ALTERNATIVE MEANINGS
The Washington Post recently published a contest for readers in which they were asked to supply alternate meanings for various words.
Some of the winning entries :
| Abdicate (v.) | To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach |
| Balderdash (n.) | A rapidly receding hairline |
| Circumvent (n.) | The opening in the front of boxer shorts |
| Coffee (n.) | A person who is coughed upon |
| Esplanade (v.) | To attempt an explanation while drunk |
| Flabbergasted (adj.) | Appalled over how much weight you have gained |
| Flatulence (n.) | The emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller |
| Frisbatarianism (n.) | The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there |
| Gargoyle (n.) | An olive-flavored mouthwash |
| Lymph (v.) | To walk with a lisp |
| Negligent (adj.) | A condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie |
| Rectitude (n.) | The formal, dignified demeanour assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you |
| Semantics (n.) | Pranks conducted by young men studying for the priesthood |
| Testicle (n.) | A humorous question on an exam |
| Willy-nilly (adj.) | Impotent |
Thanks Allen Byrne