85 English is a tough language

SO YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE
TOUGH ENOUGH TO LEARN ENGLISH ?

Let's face it - English is a crazy language.

	There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;
	neither pine nor apple in pineapple.
	English muffins weren't invented in England or
	French fries in France.
	Sweetmeats are confectionery while
	sweetbreads, which aren't sweet and contain no bread, are meat.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that

	quicksand can work slowly,
	boxing rings are square and
	a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that

	writers write but fingers don't fing,
	grocers don't groce and
	hammers don't ham?

If the plural of tooth is teeth,

why isn't the plural of booth beeth?

One goose, two geese,

So one moose, two meese?

One index, two indices? (hey, but that's Latin not English)

Doesn't it seem crazy that

	you can make amends but
	not one amend.

If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

	If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
	If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people

recite at a play and

play at a recital?

Ship by truck and

send cargo by ship?

Have noses that run and

feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same while

a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

Why is a woman who's looking good 20 years older than a woman who's good looking?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which

	your house can burn up as it burns down,
	you fill in a form by filling it out, and
	an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why,

	when the stars are out, they are visible, but
	when the lights are out, they are invisible.

This little treatise on the lovely language we share is only for the brave. It was passed on by a linguist, original author unknown. Peruse at your leisure, English lovers.

Examples of why the English language is so hard to learn:

The bandage was wound around the wound.
The farm was used to produce produce.
The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
We must polish the Polish furniture.
He could lead if he would get the lead out.
The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
I did not object to the object.
The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
There was a row among a row of oarsmen about how to row.
They were too close to the door to close it.
The buck does funny things when the does are present.
A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
It was a windy windy road.
After a number of injections my jaw got number.
Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
They stole the passenger seat of my Seat.
Please be discrete about each discreet item.
The United Nations sometimes sanctions the imposition of sanctions on an evil dictator.

PS. - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"?

For English wittily abused ... to music - click here

Thanks Jack Abell and Tony

People involved in home business have to use their creditcard frequently. Such matters should be decided right at the time that business opportunity shows up. Decisions like life insurance as well as other deals such as related to home insurance should be managed in relation to the description of the business then.

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