Here Are the Guy Rules for Dolls
Please
note that they are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
- Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's
up, put it down.
- Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if
we can find the perfect present yet again!
- Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
- Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared
to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, and NASCAR. Also football and
rugby.
- Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of
the tides. Let it be. Ditto Saturday
- Shopping is NOT a sport, and no, we are never going to think of it
that way.
- When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is
fine. Really.
- Crying is blackmail.
- Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle
hints do not work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work.
Just say it!
- We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on
a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
- Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you
think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your
dress?
- Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every
question.
- Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
- A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a
doctor.
- Check your oil! Please.
- Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
- If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect
us to act like soap opera guys.
- If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the
ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
- Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.
- You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it
done - not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
- Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
commercials.
- Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
- The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two
months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.
- ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We
have no idea what mauve is.
- If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
- We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of
mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
- If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will
act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the
hassle.
- You have enough clothes
- You have enough shoes
- I'm in shape. - ROUND is a shape.
-
Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on
the couch tonight.
But did you know, we men really don't mind that. It's like camping
in the wild but without the shotgun.
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