RELATIONSHIPS |
| RELATIONSHIP MATHEMATICS |
 | Smart man + smart woman = romance |
| Smart man + dumb woman = affair |
| Dumb man + smart woman = marriage |
| Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy |
|
| OFFICE ARITHMETIC |
| Smart boss + smart employee = profit |
| Smart boss + dumb employee = production |
| Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion |
| Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime |
|
| SHOPPING MATH |
| A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. |
| A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need. |
|
| GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS |
| A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. |
| A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. |
| A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. |
| A successful woman is one who can find such a man. |
|
| HAPPINESS |
| To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a
little. |
| To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to
understand her at all. |
|
| LONGEVITY |
Married men live longer than single men, but
married men are a lot more willing to die. |
| MEMORY |
Any married man should forget his mistakes,
there's no use in two people remembering the same thing. |
| APPEARANCE |
| Men wake up as good-looking (or ugly) as they went to bed. |
| Women somehow deteriorate during the night. |
|
| PROPENSITY TO CHANGE |
| A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. |
| A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does |
|
| DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE |
| A woman has the last word in any argument. |
| Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. |
|
| COMPREHENSION |
There are two times when a man doesn't
understand a woman :
| before marriage and |
| after marriage. |
|
| HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT
GETTING MARRIED |
| Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, cackling and poking me in
the ribs, telling me, "You're next." |
| They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals. |
|
| MARRIAGE, BEFORE AND AFTER |
| Before marriage, man yearns for the woman of his
dreams. After marriage, the "y" is silent |
|
