| PERSONAL HYGIENE |
- While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private
using one's OWN truck keys.
- Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. However, if you live
alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.
- Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a
woman's jewelry and alter the tastes of finger foods.
|
| DINING OUT |
- When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup, and pour slowly so as not to
"bruise" the fruit of the vine.
- If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the
label.
|
| ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME |
- A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
- Do not allow the dog to eat at the table ... no matter how good his manners are.
|
DATING
(Outside the Family) |
- Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
- Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go out with
you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two years ago."
- Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM;
others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer, it is the man's
responsibility to get her to school on time.
|
| MOVIE THEATRE ETIQUETTE |
- Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately after the movie has
ended.
- Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can't
hear you.
|
| WEDDINGS |
- Livestock usually is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
- Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
- For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean
bowling shirt can create a tacky appearance.
- Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this special occasion.
|
| DRIVING ETIQUETTE |
- Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles - even if the gun is loaded, and the deer
is in sight.
- When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the
right of way.
- Never tow another car using pantyhose and duct tape.
- When sending your wife down the road with a fuel can, it is impolite to ask her to bring
back beer.
- Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving.
- Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.
|
| TIPS FOR ALL OCCASIONS |
- Never take a beer to a job interview.
- Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
- It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
- If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
- Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky
to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home
|
Tallrite
Inc; Tallrite Ltd
