HOTTER
THAN HADES
The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry
mid-term exam for his graduate students. The answer was so "profound" that the
professor shared it with colleagues, which is why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it
as well.
It had one question:
"Is Hell exothermic
(gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Support your answer with proof "
Most of the students wrote proofs of their
beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is
compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So, we need to know
the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we
can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls
are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different
religions that exist in the world today.
Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will
go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not
belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to
increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states
that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of
Hell has to expand as souls are added. This gives two possibilities.
- If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate
at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until
all Hell breaks loose.
- Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster
than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell
freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Laura Turner during my Freshman year,
"that it will be a cold night in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into
account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then
#2 cannot be true.
Therefore, Hell is exothermic.
The student got the only A.
Tallrite
Inc; Tallrite Ltd
