ENGLAND TRIUMPH              

A fantastic win for England’s rugby players in their latest international outing. Unfortunately it was ‘only’ in the Hong Kong Sevens (for the third year running, though!).

As for the 15-a-side version ….. there were two saving graces. Firstly, with Ireland having already downed England’s Grand Slam chances we were spared yet another agonising, last ditch failure, and secondly Jonathan Davies wasn’t commentating (in fact he was thankfully absent from the box in all 3 matches). Other than that, what else to say? It just wasn’t there. How ironic that it should happen on the day when I finally twigged the name of the ‘European Anthem’ – Beethoven’s Ode To Joy!

France’s win meant that Ireland’s margin over Scotland was irrelevant, which would probably have pleased the Irish, as they didn’t ever look like pulling that far ahead of a much-improved Scottish side.

And in Cardiff, a competent performance from Wales produced a large winning margin against Italy, and a pleasing send-off for departing coach Hansen.

Halfway through the Super 12 round-robin stage the Brumbies have established a 5-point lead, with the resurgent S. African Stormers and Bulls on their heels. A few more topsy-turvy results last week mean that the next 8 teams are pretty well bunched, although defending champs Auckland Blues are at the bottom of that group.

If the second half of the season sees a belated return to form by some of last year’s higher placed finishers, we could have an incredibly tight tussle for the semi-final places. The Blues’ prospects of overcoming their disastrous start were hit by the news that Fijian flyer Caucaunibuca’s shoulder injury will keep him out for the rest of the tournament. He’ll still be busy though, as Jonny Wilkinson is reported to have been seen in New Zealand last week, on a mission to persuade the winger to sign for Newcastle. Presumably the big draw is the news that you still get paid well, even if you’re not actually playing!

Nevertheless, however absorbing all the above rugby gossip may be, it still pales beside the tragic news from Durban where the IRB U-19 World Championship is being played. During Ireland’s match against New Zealand the 18-year-old Irish flanker John McCall took the ball at the tail of a lineout, drove forward, and laid the ball back after being tackled. As play went on McCall remained motionless on the ground, having apparently died from cardiac failure. Understandably the team has decided to withdraw from the event and fly home. 

What a great win by Adam Scott in the Players Championship at Sawgrass. In the frame or at the front all the way, he showed he has world-beating grit by surviving a nail-biting finish. With a 2-shot margin coming into the final hole, he dumped his second shot in the water, but recovered with an approach to 10 feet, and then sank the knee-knocking putt to avoid the playoff, and pocket a cool $1.44 million. No doubt he was also chuffed when Greg Norman said, "I think he's technically better than Tiger Woods was at 23." The clubhouse lead he was targeting had been set by ‘Porridge’ Harrington who putted like a demon for a final round 66 that showed playing partner Woods how it should be done! Water also played a key part in another golfer’s final round. England’s Ian Poulter had a scrappy start to the 4^th hole, and having finally put a disappointing approach shot on the green, but not close to the pin, he irritably snatched up his ball after marking it, and it flew out of his hand into the adjoining lake. Now however badly you may think you’ve been treated so far, be it by the rules or by your own poor play, the fact is that failure to retrieve that ball incurs a further penalty. So, even though Poulter was not realistically going to get one of the bigger cheques of the week, the pending one stroke penalty was not something he relished, but there again neither did he relish the though of wading into the water, which was allegedly inhabited by alligators! Then up steps the hero of the hour, Poulter’s fitness coach Kam Bhabr, who incredibly managed to drag up the missing ball from the murky depths first time.  

The tabloid-tickling saga of Sven Goran’s ‘will he, won’t he’ dalliance with Chelsea was firmly closed with the announcement that he has extended his England job for another 4 years. Some wondered why he had rejected the prospect of a high profile club job, but when you consider the workload involved, it’s easy to see why he might prefer the relatively light task of being national coach, especially if you hear talk about sums of £4 million a year for his current contract.

North of the border there’s talk of reviewing the requirement for Premiership clubs to have grounds of a certain minimum size and specification. This relates to the fact that some lower league clubs with realistic chances of promotion would not be able to fulfil those requirements at present, and is further bolstered by the realisation that quite a few current Premier league clubs do not attract average crowds that would fill such grounds. On the other hand, some clubs that have already invested heavily to bring their premises up to that standard are threatening dire consequences if the rules are relaxed. Still, it’s considerably more exciting than the actual competition this season!

The Aussies completed a whitewash of hosts Sri Lanka in their Test series, and Shane moved to within 2 wickets of Courtney Walsh’s world record Test total. Not to be outdone, Murali continued picking up scalps and is only 4 behind Shane, but his party was spoiled by a re-surfacing of the doubts over his action. He was reported by the umpire in the last Test, and although that, in itself, doesn’t stop him from bowling, his confidence will have been dented. However, as both of these spin kings normally pick up at least half a dozen wickets per match, the record will fall to whoever bowls next, and I believe that Sri Lanka’s next Test series (in Zimbabwe) comes about a month before Australia go there.

After the ding-dong battle between Pakistan and India in the one-day series, the first Test has seen a reversion to the more traditional sub-continent style of cricket, with the batsmen racking up mammoth scores against the hapless bowlers. Indian opener Sewag clubbed a triple century in one-day fashion at nearly a run a ball, and Tendulkar then took over the mantle. Nevertheless, India must have had one eye on the match situation, as they decided to declare with Tendulkar high and dry on 194. Bet he was pleased!

Not very forward thinking! Having jumped on the PC bandwagon and lauded the decision to take Formula 1 to the Middle East, the teams are now beginning to turn to more practical matters a week ahead of the inaugural Bahrain GP, and are expressing concern about the likelihood of sand blowing across the track, and causing not only grip problems, but also potentially clogging up radiators. I doubt if many people with any experience of the region will be impressed with the proposed solution of spraying some kind of gunk onto the area surrounding the circuit. If the southern Gulf is regularly plagued by winds carrying sand from Iran, I don’t think even Bernie can do a King Canute job!

What a farce the Boat Race was. Not long after the start the Oxford boat pulled out about a half-length lead over the Light Blues that would have ensured them of the decisive (and probably race-winning) inside line around next long bend. Not content with this though, their cox decided to play tough and edged over into the opponents’ water, and despite repeated warnings from the umpire did not budge. Almost inevitably there was a clash of oars that caused the Oxford bowman’s seat to come off its runners, and that was effectively the end of the contest. Just as inevitably Oxford protested at the end of the race, but the body language said it all. It seemed such a dumb thing to do that I seriously started wondering if there was any money involved. If you look at the Christian names of the two coxes (Acer and Kenholm) it could just as easily have been a horse race!

Steve Fossett has survived one more scare just north of the Equator – this time the bush that secures the massive front cross-beam to the starboard hull almost came adrift (would have meant the mast falling down). Compared to their crucial mast repair before The Horn, this one was a doddle – lying comfortably on the netting up front! They have got a 4 day advantage over the current record run with about a week to go, so they are even prepared to ease off a bit in order to nurse home this latest bit of DIY.

ON THE LIGHTER SIDE

A commentator bows to the inevitable in the second half of the match in Paris;

“Some say that French Resistance is an oxymoron, but it hasn’t been tonight.” 

They did however give some credit to one aspect of the English performance, as Grewcock failed to bounce back to his feet after one bruising encounter;

“He’s not the sort of man to roll around for no reason. He’s not a soccer player.”

Although they knew by then that the slim chance of achieving the Grand Slam had gone, the Irish were happy enough with their win, prompting the following comment;

“Dublin is a sociable place when they lose. I should imagine it will be a wonderful night tonight.”

Nice to see Jesper Parnevik getting back to form again, and appearing for the 3^rd and 4^th rounds. In fact you can’t miss him with his distinctive fashion sense, as remarked upon by the American commentators at Sawgrass;

“He looks like he should be shot out of a cannon in a circus.”

The Derbyshire Times has been banned from further reporting of matches in the Sheffield and District Sunday League after describing a 29-0 defeat as an ‘emphatic trouncing’. However, it seems that it wasn’t just the words that the league objected to, but the very fact that the match was even mentioned, as they claim to have a long-standing agreement that matches with scorelines above a certain threshold should not be reported, in deference to the losers’ feelings. And the threshold is ……. no less than 14-0. Some feelings!

Former Chelsea chairman Ken Bates really has got more money than he knows what to do with. He seems hell-bent on plunging upwards of £10m into Sheffield Wednesday, and explains this curious affliction as follows;

“What else is there in life? Cricket is like watching paint dry. Tennis?! Golf is a pain in the backside, the only game in town is soccer.”

The former Royal Navy frigate HMS Scylla was decommissioned and sold to the National Marine Aquarium, who sank her with explosives off the coast of Cornwall this week to form an artificial reef, almost 37 years after another vessel went to the bottom off the Cornish coast. This was of course the Torrey Canyon disaster, and I was reminded of it by the explosives connection. The Scylla’s sinking was somewhat more clinical and effective than the efforts of the Royal Navy’s Buccaneer jets which were given the opportunity of a bit of target practice when it was decided that the best course of action would be to bomb the stranded tanker, opening up the oil tanks and setting the cargo on fire to minimise the environmental damage. Little was achieved however, and some time later the famous explosives expert and comedian Blaster Bates was on the Parkinson show telling everyone where the great thinkers had gone wrong. Naturally, in addition to explaining the technicalities, he couldn’t resist a dig at the poor showing of the bombers;

“After all, it was sitting on a rock, and it wasn’t even firing back! 

It doesn’t really make headline news these days to hear of another of the periodic efforts of various people and places to claim ‘ownership’ of famous celebrities. The Scottish village of Lonmay allegedly has proof that one of its ancient residents was a forefather of Elvis Presley. Equally, you would probably not be surprised to hear the bar manager of the village’s only hotel make disparaging remarks, and no doubt you can just picture this dour, bearded Scot saying;

“I’m not a fan of Elvis – not at all.”

However, the mental picture shatters upon hearing his follow-up comment;

“I wish it had been Jimi Hendrix.”

Good news for Python fans. The success of Mel Gibson’s Passion of Christ has prompted plans for a re-release of Life of Brian (initially in the US next month). You lucky, lucky b……s.

Finally, a fitting parting shot from an absolutely brilliant man. Peter Ustinov died this week, and we were reminded that when asked what he would like to have engraved on his tombstone, he replied;

ON THE BOX  
(All live on Supersport; Abu Dhabi timings; GMT +4)

Rugby             Super 12

Friday              11:15            Highlanders – Chiefs
Saturday            09:10            Crusaders – Brumbies
                        11:30            Hurricanes – Reds
                        18:40            Sharks – Cats
Sunday 06:15            Blues – Waratahs

Rugby             U-19 World Championship

Sunday 15:15            New Zealand – Australia
                        17:30            S. Africa – France

Golf            Algarve Open de Portugal from Penina

Thu/Fri 18:00 – 21:00
Saturday            17:30 – 20:00
Sunday 17:00 – 20:00

Golf            Bellsouth Classic from Sugarloaf, Georgia

Thu/Fri 01:00            (Fri/Sat a.m.)
Saturday            24:00
Sunday 23:00

Football            FA Cup semi-finals

Saturday            14:30            Arsenal – Man U
Sunday 15:30            Sunderland – Millwall

Football            English Premiership

Saturday            17:30            Newcastle – Everton
Monday            23:00            Leeds – Leicester

Football            Champions League QF 2^nd leg

Tuesday (6^th)            Monaco – Real Madrid

Football            International Friendlies

Wednesday            22:40            Holland – France
                        24:15            Portugal – Italy  

Tennis             Nasdaq 100 (men’s) from Miami

Tuesday            19:45
Wednesday            23:45            QF1
Thursday            05:45            QF2
                        23:45            QF3
Friday              02:00            QF4
                        21:45            SF1
Saturday            03:45            SF2
Sunday 19:30            Final  

Running            Paris Marathon

Sunday 10:30 – 14:00

Cricket            Pakistan – India Test series

Wed/Thu            08:30 – 16:30   Days 4 and 5 of first Test
Mon/Tue            08:30 – 16:30   Days 1 and 2 of second Test

Cricket            West Indies – England 3^rd Test

Thursday to Monday daily from 17:30 – 01:30 

Cricket            ‘Tour’ match from Pretoria

Friday              17:30 – 01:00   Titans v. Lashings World XI

Formula 1            Bahrain GP

Friday              14:00               Practice 2
Saturday            11:00               Practice 3
                        12:15               Practice 4
                        14:00 – 16:45            Qualifying
Sunday 15:30               Race