THE (SEMI) FINAL RECKONING

The Brumbies and Crusaders each guaranteed themselves a semi-final place with home wins in last weekend’s Super 12 matches, but the other 2 places are up for grabs between 6 teams. Chiefs and Stormers are in the box seats at present but Waratahs, Blues, Highlanders and Sharks could all sneak in. The possible permutations are mind-bogglingly complex. Waratahs were dealt a potentially fatal blow when a 14-man Highlanders side came back from 28-7 down for a 1-point win, and the Crusaders also had to overcome a sending-off for their victory over the Stormers. Contrary to early form indications, the S. African teams are faltering, all of them having lost this time around. Just about the only thing that looks certain is that it will be the most open competition for years. Although Brumbies and Crusaders appear to be coming into form at the right time, I wouldn’t dream of predicting anything but excitement for the last round.

The weather’s gone mad. After last week’s problems finishing the golf tour events, we had another dose this week. Both the European and USPGA events finished on Monday having been severely affected by rain and/or thunderstorms. (The European one was curtailed to 54 holes even then, but might have stood a chance of getting into the fourth round if they could have been persuaded to take less than 5 hours for each round – when on earth are we going to hear of some penalties??) The Challenge Tour event in Spain had a 2-hour frost delay. Two of the scheduled one-day internationals between Windies and England were rained off, and the MotoGP races in Jerez were definitely wet-tyre affairs. The IOC is right to be insisting that the Greeks get the roof on the Olympic stadium!

When the HP Classic in New Orleans did eventually finish yesterday, it was VJ Singh with his hands on the trophy, courtesy of a storming last round of 63 that included a back nine of 29. He was 7 behind with 8 to play and came home by a single shot. There is now serious talk of him getting the number one ranking from Tiger.

I see that football is showing other industries the potential benefits of European Union. Real Madrid stumped up what seemed a ludicrous amount of money to buy David Beckham a year ago, but it’s now strongly rumoured that he will be on his way back to England shortly, with Real pocketing a tidy profit, probably courtesy of Abramovich’s largesse. Who ends up paying? Looks like it’s the sort of people who would go to an art gallery to watch a video of Beckham sleeping. The actual value of such a player to his club cannot possibly be quantified in terms of league points, but is nicely reflected on the balance sheet when he’s transferred, and that value is affected by his popularity rather than his ability. It takes more than footballing brains to run a successful club today.

Somewhat unusually with 2 matches still to go, the Premiership title and relegation issues are all resolved, and Leeds’ new owners will have to resurrect the club from the relative obscurity of Division One. They will reportedly be selling a number of players, but face the irony that (as one of the new board said) few potential buyers will be interested in taking them on if their agents stick to asking for the sort of wages they are currently getting! Methinks a dose of reality is coming their way.

Arsenal were such impressive winners of the Premiership that the FA decided to see what they would have done in the FA Cup final, had they not been beaten in the semi-final, so on Monday they squared up to Charlton and ran out 3-0 winners. Actually it was the women’s final at Loftus Road! A crowd of 12,000 turned up, but I doubt if Sepp Blatter was amongst them, as the ladies weren’t wearing bikinis. The silly old fool just won’t go away, will he? Now he wants to scrap drawn games. Won’t be long before the rest of the executive can turf him out on the grounds of senile dementia! 

The Zimbabwean rebels are training again, and appearing in ‘A’ team matches, pending arbitration or mediation on their dispute with the ZCU. Meanwhile two members of that august body have shown just how seriously they approach their duties by having a dust-up! In England, it now looks as if the ECB are backing down and accepting that the tour will have to go ahead. What kind of team they will take is unsure, given public pronouncements by some potential squad members about their moral objections, and of course we don’t yet know if the hosts will be able to field any halfway decent sides.

Is the tradition of Test matches under threat? India and South Africa are discussing a proposal to eliminate Test matches from the latter’s upcoming tour in favour of a full 7-match ODI series. It is claimed that there’s simply not enough time for Test matches after the Indians have milked the maximum out of the preceding Aussie tour. This is directly contradictory to ICC guidelines, but I bet they don’t get fined for it, like England would have been if they’d refused to tour Zimbabwe.

I just saw a headline “Schumi wants less power”, but unfortunately he was not volunteering to single himself out for this sacrifice. He suggested that the power available to today’s F1 cars is more than enough, and the emphasis should turn to reliability (when did a Ferrari last break down?!);

"I don't think Formula One has ever seen anything better or faster. Today's cars are so sensitive, reactive, and fast and it is now more exciting for the drivers."

Pity it’s not more exciting for the spectators!

He also got himself tangled up in a fashion that any football manager would have been proud of;

"In my opinion we've reached the limit, though I certainly don't want to say we can't go further still."

The final bulletin on Olivier de Kersauson’s round-the-world record attempt. He did cross the line about a day ahead of the old record, but of course missed out on Fossett’s new mark. However, my French is just about good enough to decipher from his website that the team is claiming (and seemingly being granted) ownership of the Jules Verne trophy, because Fossett’s outright record was in some way (that Fossett didn’t really care about) outside the trophy rules. So, a neat little twist that gives everyone some degree of satisfaction. I also noted a report that about a month ago some other Frenchman had smashed the single-handed circumnavigation record with a time of 74 days, in a boat that had previously set a fully-crewed of scarcely one day better. And there is at least one other venturer out there somewhere at the moment, challenging some kind of record. I heard a trailer for a sailing documentary last week, mentioning that more people had climbed Everest than had sailed round the world. I think the balance is changing fast. 

ON THE LIGHTER SIDE

An untidy ruck developed during the Brumbies – Hurricanes match, with some rather vigorous footwork on display. Veteran South African ref Andre Watson breaks it up with this admonishment;

“What are you digging for? There’s no gold down there.”

Ian Poulter had ‘accessorised‘ his golf outfit with some red streaks at the nape of his straw-like hairdo some time ago, but at the Italian Open he went one better and wore white shoes with pink stripes. Then for the third round he really went OTT with a white crew-neck and lilac trousers. When the hooter went for suspension of play due to imminent thunderstorms it was Poulter who went off like lightning. He wouldn’t want to get that lot ruined, would he?

Ex-Windies fast bowler Ian Bishop is obviously not a fan of Muralitharan! During the 6^th ODI match in St. Lucia he and co-commentator Ian Botham were musing over the relatively lenient treatment of batsmen running down the pitch, compared to bowlers who are commonly pulled up for following-on into the ‘danger area’. Bishop did however mention that the pendulum might be swinging back in favour of the bowlers. He said he believed that ‘chucking’ would soon be permitted.

Thanks to Tony in Dublin for this report in the build-up to Ireland’s match against Poland;

Asked by the local media, shortly after arriving here in Bydgoszcz, which is 200 kilometres North West of Warsaw, what he thought of Bydgoszcz, Newcastle United and Republic of Ireland goalkeeper Shay Given admitted, to the dismay of his hosts, that he had “No idea, I don’t even know who he plays for”.

I’ve long thought that computer specialists inhabited a different world from the rest of us, but I didn’t realise they were quite so wacky. It seems our IT department in ADCO are working in their birthday suits. An e-mail this week warned of the Sassa (Sasser?) virus and re-assured us that they were doing their best to combat it with the following opener;

“Please bare with us, …”

On which note I spotted a story that suggests the new EU entrants may get a few surprises when they start to implement community legislation. A German court has ruled that a law requiring all businesses to employ apprentices does apply to brothels!

Finally a warning not to accept an airline meal if you’re feeling sleepy – you need to keep a close eye on the contents. During a Qantas flight from Melbourne to Wellington a passenger noticed an unusual piece of garnish on her salad. A Whistling Tree Frog was sitting on a piece of cucumber. (I wish I could report a happy ending but, of course, the stringent quarantine regulations in New Zealand left them with no option but to stamp out the poor little fellow upon arrival!)

ON THE BOX  
(All live on Supersport; Abu Dhabi timings; GMT +4)