UP FOR GRABS

Of the top four Super 12 sides at the beginning of last weekend, two lost their final matches, but no other team could break into the semi-final spots, so the same four slug it out next Saturday. Crusaders host Stormers in Canterbury, which represents another chance for the S. African side to rack up a record tally of air miles! Over the water in Canberra the Brumbies take on the Chiefs who gave the Kiwi supporters their second semi-finalists. The near-miss prize this season must go to the Auckland Blues who finished one point short, having thrown away umpteen winning opportunities in the early rounds before turning on the style just a match too late.

Based on final league standings and recent results Brumbies look to be favourites, and previous champs Crusaders can never be counted out. However, even the table-topping Brumbies lost 3 of their 11 round-robin matches, so you would be well advised to keep your pennies for a celebratory drink in favour of whoever holds their nerve and form. I hope to get a first-hand report from Steve T, who is going back for the Canterbury match (actually I’d better re-phrase that – he is of course going back for his daughter’s graduation, which happens to be at the same time!).

A safer bet would be that the Bangladeshi cricket authorities are putting their team on standby as substitutes, in case Australia or England do eventually duck out of their planned tours of Zimbabwe. With the primary school team that the hosts are currently able to assemble, Bangladesh will never have a better chance of recording their first ever Test win. England’s participation is repeatedly confirmed, but the pendulum is still swinging. In the latest statement, the ECB has said that it will excuse any individual player who wants to opt out on moral grounds.

If anything, events in Zimbabwe over the past week have been even more disastrous than anyone could have imagined. The 4 rebels who were selected in the squad for the first Test against Sri Lanka withdrew, and joined the other protesters in calling for mediation/arbitration. The ZCU was having none of it, and promptly cancelled the players’ contracts when they hadn’t succumbed after the 21-day grace period. The players now threaten legal action for breach of contract. Meanwhile on the field the inevitable happened and Sri Lanka helped themselves to a record Test win by an innings and 240 runs inside 3 days, aided by Murali scooping up the required number of wickets to overtake Courtney Walsh’s world record. And just to rub salt into the wound, Zimbabwean paceman Blessing Mahwire was reported for a suspect bowling action!

In the rather gloomy surroundings of an overcast Forest of Arden veteran Barry Lane scored a notable victory in the British Masters. The 43-year-old came home 3 shots clear for his first tour win in 10 years, but it was a nail-biting 3-way fight until the last couple of holes in his final round of 66. On several occasions he showed that experience and calmness are worth many shots as he rescued himself with brave recoveries from the rough and crucial long putts. It was his 499^th appearance since joining the European Tour in 1982, and he was undecided as to whether he would travel to Shanghai this week. As of this evening his name was not on the entry list, and it must be tempting to hold off until the Deutsche Bank Open in Germany or the even more prestigious Volvo PGA Championship at Wentworth the following week, in order to have a suitable stage on which to celebrate his landmark 500^th start. (He may also wish to have a rest, as the commentators did mention that he had some knee trouble. This was also consistent with his choice of trousers – either a throwback to the skin-tight fashion era, or a cunningly disguised pair of orthopaedic pants to support the ageing joints!)

It was heartening to see Monty teeing it up, and putting in a moderately good show, despite the obvious trauma of his marital break-up. We even had a few smiles, but I doubt if he’s feeling too sunny at falling to 49^th place in the world rankings, when only the top 50 get automatic entry to the Open and US Open. However he says that if he doesn’t make it, he’ll be happy to just spend the week with his kids, and in the current circumstances he probably means it.

Over the Pond, Tiger came back to form with a third place in the Wachovia Championship, and extended his lead in the rankings. However, it’s salutary to note that Singh and Mickleson have each won more than $4 million so far this year compared to Tiger’s $2 million, so it can’t be long before Tiger’s ranking points start falling away as his relatively poor results of late take over from the high scoring events at the beginning of the rolling period.

In Barcelona the start of the Spanish GP was almost thrown into chaos when an ‘anti-capitalist’ protester ran onto the home straight during the warm-up lap. Thankfully the stewards tackled him just in time. During the race itself, Montoya provided a bit of excitement when his brakes failed, and he had to bash into his front jack man to bring the car to a halt for his final pit stop! The super-heated brakes then welded themselves together and started a fire, which ended his day. Other than that …… well, I think this single sentence from the BBC Sport website sums it up very well;

“Renault's Jarno Trulli led after a lightning getaway but Schumacher passed the Italian during the first pit stops and controlled the rest of the race.”

There really wasn’t any more to it than that, and there is now a unanimous call from the media for urgent changes to prevent viewers from turning to more gripping spectacles such as rhythmic gymnastics or synchronised swimming. If they leave it until the scheduled date of 2008 to revise the sport, the fastest things in F1 will not be the 2 Ferraris, but Bernie Ecclestone and Max Mosley chasing after their lost public.

A few snippets of interest from the soccer world this week, despite the fact that most promotion and relegation issues have been sorted out. Arsenal go into Saturday’s match against relegated Leicester with the very real chance of creating the unthinkable record of going through the entire Premiership season unbeaten. Chelsea bowed out of this year’s Champion’s League, but ensured another go next year by securing second place in the Premiership. Nevertheless, despite what most clubs would consider a stellar year, it seems that Abramovich’s millions demand something closer to perfection, so Ranieri has put his CV out, with a stated preference for another London club. Liverpool are favourites to grab the last Champion’s League spot by pipping Newcastle to 4^th place, and look like emulating Chelsea’s foreign connections with the news that Thai Prime minister Shinawatra will be buying a large chunk of the club. And no doubt to the delight of French Dave the Crystal Palace ‘Eagles’ scraped into the Division One playoffs, courtesy of the late goal by which West Ham prevented Wigan getting the win they needed to leapfrog Palace. Let’s hope that their crusade to jump from Division One to the Premiership is more successful than their namesakes’ attempts to vacate the Hotel California (“You can check out any time you like, But you can never leave.”).

Across the Atlantic the sad saga of Maradona staggers on. Having survived his initial life-threatening condition, he discharged himself from hospital and immediately went out eating and golfing. Naturally he had to be re-admitted and his family have now placed him in a special clinic. His doctor says that Maradona has to wake up and start taking responsibility for his actions if he wants to survive, but that there is no sign of such a commitment yet. Somehow you just know that he’s going to die a ‘rock star’ death, in defiance of the world, don’t you?

ON THE LIGHTER SIDE

Claudio Ranieri sarcastically acknowledges reality when greeting the press ahead of Chelsea’s Champions League semi-final second leg with Monaco;

“Hello my sharks, welcome to the funeral.”

All the talk of Beckham joining Chelsea seems to have ignored the possibility that other English clubs might like a piece of the action. Nevertheless Steve Coppell takes a pragmatic view of his chances;

“It will be difficult to get the player I want because Posh doesn't want to move to Reading!”
 

Whilst enjoying a round at the Emirates last weekend (in honour of Laurie’s 50^th birthday) I was informed of a nice quote from the previous week’s European Tour event commentary that had evaded my notice. As his putt on the 10^th scampered around the edge of the hole, the normally reserved John Rigby exclaimed;

“That was a Mick Jagger (a big lip out)!”

What a mouthful. Next week’s USPGA event is the EDS Byron Nelson Championship from the TPC Four Seasons Resort Las Colinas & Cottonwood Valley Course in Irving Texas. By the time the commentators have finished saying that for the first time, half of the field will have finished their opening round (except Bernhard Langer, who will still be checking the yardage to the fairway bunker from the 1^st tee)!

If we can’t beat the Aussies at many sports, we can at least try a bit of one-upmanship, and who better to represent us than the gritty Yorkshiremen? It is reported that a moderately famous author (well they said ‘famous’, but I’d never heard of him!) is claiming to have proof that the boomerang was invented in England. Take that, Bruce – if you can grab it before it turns back!

Renowned British steeplejack and TV personality Fred Dibnah was in the news recently with the demolition of a large brick chimney in Oldham. His technique does not involve explosives, but a clever and simple means of bringing the edifice to the ground in a controlled manner. He gradually extracts bricks from one side of the base, and replaces them with wooden pit props. A bonfire is then lit next to the chimney, and the props eventually burn through and collapse, allowing the chimney to fall. In his running commentary on the preparations, he was seen carrying planks of wood to the bonfire site, and making the observation;

ON THE BOX  
(All live on Supersport; Abu Dhabi timings; GMT +4)

Rugby             Super 12 Semi-finals

Saturday            11:00            Crusaders – Stormers
                         13:25            Brumbies – Chiefs

Golf     Byron Nelson Championship from Texas

Thursday            24:00

Fri/Sat/Sun            23:00

Golf     BMW Asian Open from Shanghai

Thu to Sun daily at 10:30 – 13:30

MotoGP bikes from Le Mans

Sunday 13:00            125cc
                        14:15            250cc
                        15:30            MotoGP

Superbikes from Monza

Sunday 13:30            Race 1
                        15:00            Supersport race
                        17:15            Race 2

Football            English Premiership

Wednesday            22:30            Southampton – Newcastle

Saturday            17:30            Arsenal – Leicester
                        17:30            Liverpool – Newcastle

Football            Division One Playoffs

Friday        22:30    Crystal palace – Sunderland  Leg1

Saturday    15:00            Ipswich – West Ham  Leg 2

Monday      22:30            Sunderland – C. Palace  Leg 2

Tuesday (18^th)   22:30       West Ham – Ipswich  Leg 2

Tennis             Masters Series from Hamburg

Tue – Thu            12:45 – 23:30

Friday              14:45 – 23:30   Q-finals

Saturday            14:45 – 20:40   S-finals

Sunday 14:30 – 19:00   Final

Cricket            Zimbabwe – Sri Lanka 2^nd Test