HENMAN  1 – 0  BECKHAM/DALLAGLIO/VAUGHAN

Henman Hill is still buzzing and the English/British flags are still flying high as Come On Tim makes his routine entry into the quarter-finals at Wimbledon. Good job too, as our football, cricket and rugby teams have all gone down in the past week.

The bookies must be rubbing their hands with glee as France, Italy, Spain and Germany all failed to progress past the group stage of Euro 2004, and England lost their quarter-final. So the semi-finals see Holland face hosts Portugal, who must now really fancy their chances of riding the home wave all the way, whilst the all-conquering Czechs have to snuff out the Greeks, whose achievement to date has exceeded all expectations.

Why have there been so many surprises? Well, UEFA technical director Andy Roxburgh reckons that the players in the ‘big’ teams have all been plying their trade in each other’s leagues, and have fallen victim to the commercial pressure to play more and more games (i.e. they’re all knackered).

England’s rugby tour of NZ and Australia ended in tatters as the Aussies took full advantage of the psychological and physical edges to run in a half-century, and surpass even what the Kiwis had achieved. On the same day the Springboks’ killer instinct returned with a vengeance as they clinically disposed of the Welsh threat. Their spectators also got into the swing of things by roundly booing a brave late consolation try by Peel. It looks as if we’re in for a cracking Tri-Nations series next month. However, one small note of comfort for England is that the results of the last World Cup still stand, and this obviously is lodged somewhere deep in George Gregan’s mind, as shown by his reading of the Aussie win;

“It was a great effort. You can never change what happened in the past, but this is a good start on the goals we have set this year.”

Another indication of potential turnarounds for the northern teams was the appearance of Ireland in the final of the U-21 World Championship in Scotland, although they were well beaten by an ominous future All Black squad!

On the other side of the whistle, the popular and much-respected South African referee Andre Watson will retire after controlling next weekend’s match between Australia and the Pacific Islanders.

The crowd didn’t know whether to laugh or cry, and nor did Goran Ivanisevic, as the great entertainer took his final bow at Wimbledon. Prevented from defending his 2001 title by injury, he had drifted out of sight, and it was a bit of a surprise to see him turning up in the draw this year. He was clearly not at match fitness, but nevertheless used a combination of his amazing natural talent and a wave of public support to win his first two matches. Inevitably it had to end, and it fell to Lleyton Hewitt to administer the coup de grace, which he did as quickly and painlessly as possible. The Croat had obviously wanted to come back and play as champion at his favourite venue, and the adoring crowds were treated to some lasting reminders of his deft touch and self-deprecating humour. At the end he proudly donned a Croatian football shirt and walked out of tennis. At the post-match interview he made a statement that probably encapsulates the philosophy of this bohemian spirit far better than any journalist could do on his behalf;

“I enjoyed myself. I am sad to leave but I am happy there's no more practising. “

In the latest round of the MotoGP championship at Assen, which the commentators described as the ‘cathedral of GP motorbike racing’, 2003 world champion Valentino Rossi squeezed past arch-rival Sete Gibernau on the last lap to equal the Spaniard’s points tally for the season. Although the race was not as exciting as some earlier rounds, it did show evidence that Rossi’s Yamaha team have made big strides in raising the performance of the bike. At this high speed circuit the superior horsepower of Gibernau’s Honda might have been expected to tell, but Rossi was able to comfortably hang onto him all the way through before making the crucial (and unanswerable) move. No doubt this has been achieved with much valuable feedback from Rossi, who is not just a superb rider, but also has great mechanical knowledge and instinctive feel aboard these 200 hp monsters. If he does go on to win the championship this year, let’s hope he gives himself a further challenge next year by moving to another under-performing team, otherwise we could be treated to a boring era of Ferrari-like dominance!

Ironic, isn’t it? Formula 1 is struggling to find a way of increasing its appeal, and the governing body has now come up with the idea that they need to slow the cars down to make it more exciting. Well, maybe that (along with other key changes) could induce more overtaking, but the main reason quoted by FIA’s Max Mosley was that recent crashes by Massa and Ralf had shown that the cars were getting too fast. So, if it’s implicitly a safety issue, how do you explain the fact that Rossi and co. are happily charging around at the same 200 mph top speed on bikes?

Britain’s puppet-on-a-string athlete Paula Radcliffe put in an impressive run at the Gateshead IAAF Grand Prix on Sunday, as she comfortably clocked up an Olympic qualifying time in the 10,000 metres. She now has to decide whether to do that distance or the marathon (for which she has also qualified) in Athens. Her time fell short of the promoters’ hopes, but conditions just weren’t in her favour, and the magnitude of her performance was reflected not by the stopwatch but by her destruction of the rest of the field. In second place was a Portuguese girl who is a past world champion, and Radcliffe not only beat her – she lapped her! What better psychological advantage to carry into the Olympics?

It’s planned to start on 3^rd July, but the outcome of this year’s Tour de France might be settled before they even put their front wheels on the line. The organisers have told three top European riders that they will not be allowed to compete as they are under investigation for doping offences. None of the old ‘innocent until proven guilty’ stuff – just a hard-nosed decision to make a pre-emptive strike. In much the same style as the athletics authorities, they seem to be confident to do so, even with only circumstantial evidence. The key point now is the cry from one of the banned riders that he thinks Lance Armstrong should similarly be excluded from the Tour, because a recently published book alleges his involvement with doping. Watch this space!

Shane Warne said this week that he wouldn’t put it past Murali to pull a fast one, and turn up unexpectedly at the 1^st Test in Darwin. The Aussie spinner is one of the keenest competitors you’ll ever see, but he’s also a bit of a stirrer, so it’s anybody’s guess as to whether he is being ultra-professional and preparing his team mates for any eventuality, or simply scoring one over his Sri Lankan rival for the future.

American pride was dented again this week on the PGA tour, as Australia’s Adam Scott won the Booz Allen Classic, raising his season’s earnings to a fraction under $3 million! Keep mentioning the Ryder Cup, guys.

ON THE LIGHTER SIDE

Is disenchantment setting in – on both sides? Will Beckingham Palace be re-occupied? David Beckham told journalists that he thought his tiredness in the second half of the Portugal game stemmed from the fact that the training regime at Real Madrid was lighter than he had been used to at Man U, and his fitness had suffered. Real Madrid president Florentino Perez countered with this home truth;

"We understand your concerns, David. We agree with you that training was not up to it, but who did not train at all during the Christmas break? Who keeps flying back to England when asked to rest?"

I hope Wayne Rooney’s broken foot heals soon, otherwise he won’t be able to keep his distance from the predatory admirers he has picked up with his Euro 2004 performances, and the most high profile of these is none other than Serena Williams. However, despite some crass utterances that displayed her ignorance of this alien game, she did come out with a naive observation that was uncomfortably accurate;

"I just know that everyone falls down. It doesn't seem like they're really hurt though. It's like he fell because of a gust of wind when the guy passed him by. I know I'm trying to be an actor - but these guys are doing a marvellous job."

It seems that lifestyles are changing to something I can’t recognise. As Euro 2004 fever built up with the advent of the knockout stages, the Gulf News carried a report on how the event was impacting people’s home lives. One (European) woman living in Dubai explained;

“My family life has of course changed. I have to finish my chores and put my baby to sleep before the matches begin.”

Fair enough, except that they start at 10:45 p.m. local time out here!? 

After examining video footage UEFA has officially backed up the crucial decision by referee Urs Meier to disallow Sol Campbell’s ‘goal’ that would have sent England through against Portugal. However, The Sun couldn’t resist a jingoistic headline;

“You Swiss banker!”

The Czechs look a reasonable bet for the Euro 2004 title after reaching the semi-finals with a 100% win record, and they have a good incentive to succeed. The Bernard Brewery has promised the players up to 160 litres each of free beer for the year following a win, and to make sure that there are no tactical mistakes they have upped the coach’s potential reward to 60 litres per year – for life!

The England cricket team’s performance against the Windies may have been a disappointment, but we are still world leaders when it comes to understatement. With continual rain looking certain to force a cancellation of the first match, SKY News put up a banner headline announcing;

“Damp conditions at Old Trafford.”

A couple of tennis players have displayed their ignorance recently – one on court, and one off it.

During his defeat to Henman, Mark Philippoussis expressed his disagreement with a line call in vigorous fashion and received a warning for an ‘audible obscenity’ (believe me it merited a warning!). Not content with that, he shouted again at the umpire;

“I should give you a warning because you suck. “

And Andy Roddick made a guest appearance on The Weakest Link quiz programme, where they presumably chose a level of questioning that was unlikely to embarrass the celebrity guest. Hence he was asked;

“Name a female farmyard animal which sounds like a letter of the alphabet,” to which he responded “Baaah?”

Attempting to repair the damage in a later interview he explained;

“I was very nervous. You would be shocked at the stuff I don't know.”

All together now – “Oh no we wouldn’t!”

How to put your foot(?) in it. The Planet-F1 website ran a story early last week about the failure of Britain’s favourite racing marque to make an impact this season, under the headline;

“Jaguar point finger within.”

Then two days ago it was reported that their number 2 driver, Christian Klien, would miss practice because he had cut his finger whilst using an engine-cooling fan to combat the heat in the garage.

Music makes the world go round, but it’s got to be the right sort of music, as shown by two stories this week.

Paul McCartney gave a concert in St Petersburg that was much appreciated by his fans, but not so pleasing to the director of the nearby Hermitage Museum, who claimed the excessive noise levels had damaged its valuable paintings. He said that the sound was "incomparably more powerful than that of any airplane." (Remember the sound of an approaching jet on the introduction to ‘Back in the USSR’?)

And in London the veteran DJ Tony Blackburn upset his bosses at Capital Radio by ignoring instructions not to play Cliff Richard songs. He was so annoyed with the policy, and with the ‘reminder’ sent to him, that he ripped up the memo on air and promptly played ‘Living Doll’ and the unerringly prophetic ‘We Don’t Talk Any More’ back to back, for which heinous crime he was suspended. Two days later the management announced that the differences had been settled, and Blackburn would be back at work – with Sir Cliff reinstated on the playlists. How’s that for Grey Power?

ON THE BOX  
(All live on Supersport; Abu Dhabi timings; GMT +4)

Rugby International

Saturday            14:30            Australia – Pacific Islanders

Rugby             Currie Cup

Friday                21:00            Sharks – Griquas
Saturday            16:45            Cheetahs – Lions
                         19:00            W. Province – Pumas

Golf            Smurfit Open from K Club, Dublin

Thu/Fri             18:00 – 21:00
Saturday            21:45 – 00:45 (delayed)
Sunday              19:00 – 21:00 

Golf     Cialis Western Open from Cog Hill, Illinois

Thursday            24:00
Friday                23:30
Sat/Sun             23:00 

Football            Euro 2004 from Portugal

Wednesday            22:15            Portugal – Holland SF
Thursday               22:15            Greece – Czech SF
Sunday                  22:15            FINAL

Tennis             Wimbledon

Tue/Wed            15:45 – 23:00
Thu/Fri               15:45 – 21:00
Saturday             16:55 – 23:00
Sunday                16:45 – 23:00 

Formula 1 GP from Magny Cours, France

Friday               16:00 – 17:00            Practice 2
Saturday            11:00 – 11:45            Practice 3
                         12:15 – 13:00            Practice 4
                         15:00 – 16:55            Qualifying
Sunday               15:30            Race 

Motorbike Racing            MotoGP from Brazil

Sunday             19:35            125cc
                        21:00            250cc
                        22:15            MotoGP 

Cycling            Tour de France

Saturday                18:00 – 21:45            Prologue
Thereafter daily at 16:15 – 19:45 

Cricket            Australia – Sri Lanka 1^st Test from Darwin

Thursday to Monday daily at 03:45 – 11:15 

Cricket            Triangular ODI tournament from England

Tuesday            17:00 – 01:30   England – NZ
Thursday           17:00 – 01:30   England – Windies
Saturday            13:15 – 21:45   NZ – Windies
Sunday              13:15 – 21:45   England – NZ
Tuesday            13:15 – 21:45   England – Windies

Athletics            IAAF meetings

Tuesday            20:30 – 23:00   GP from Zagreb
Friday               22:00 – 01:00   Golden League from Rome
Sunday              21:00 – 23:00   GP from Athens
Tuesday            21:30 – 24:00   Super GP from Lausanne